What do you think, Mole?

Dear Mole,

Your partner for mixed doubles tennis has fallen ill. You need to pick a new partner. Stipulations:

– It has to be one of the Baldwin brothers
– Your partner can’t be Alec. In this universe Alec is unavailable.
– Whoever you DON’T pick will be who you’re playing AGAINST!
– You need to commute three hours in a car with no A/C in the heat (the game is in Palm Springs) with whatever brother you chose
– Billy only has one arm
– Danny has been eating healthy and exercising 3 x a week for 3 months, he still smokes
– Stephen is not a born again but he is OBSESSED with craft beer



Dear Ratty,

Hmmmm, this is a TOUGH question. All these variables are making me slightly anxious; however, here is my answer.
I will choose Billy. I remember he was a tennis coach in Noah Baumbach’s The Squid and the Whale. He was quite rangy, with a loping gait from what I recall, but he did look quite good in his tennis outfit. Jeff Daniels’ character referred to him as a philistine because he was jealous of his innate coolness and also because his wife, played by Laura Linney had the hots for him. So I will choose Billy, even though he has only one arm,  because of my fondness for the Squid and the Whale.  I wouldn’t mind the drive with him either, we could talk about Alec, Alec’s Twitter account, Alec’s list of “thoughtless little pigs”,  Wilson Philips, Carnie Wilson’s ill-fated talk show and Gossip Girl. We will be playing against Stephen Baldwin, but based on his profile picture I think we’ll be playing the wax version of Stephen so I’m not too worried about that. One armed Billy and me will pummel waxen Billy and Daniel – the-forgotten-Baldwin no probs.

Billy Baldwin in The Squid and the Whale

Love (in tennis terms),


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