Bucket List: Ratty and Mole’s easily attainable goals #2


Mole: I’ll tell you what I want to do before I check out: Sit on a porch from sun up to sundown. I’ve always liked this: there’s a certain brazenness to it which says “I’ve got nothing better to do than watch you” and “I am the original neighbourhood watch and you are all suspects.”

Plus, it adds to the theatricality of life. Don’t you think? All the street’s a stage and the men and women merely unpaid extras.

Ratty: Have I ever even HAD a porch? I feel like I have a stoop (in both senses of the word) but a proper porch or veranda… HEY! What’s the difference between a porch and a veranda?!

“A veranda or verandah (from Portuguese varanda) is a roofed, open-air gallery or porch. A veranda is often partly enclosed by a railing and frequently extends across the front and sides of the structure.” – Wikipedia

Okay. So it’s a TYPE of porch. “From Portuguese”… fascinating. Yes I would love to do this! To have nowhere to go and nothing to do for an entire day except sit. That sounds good. I think I *have* engaged in a modern version of this.

Some apartments and condos have cameras in their lobbies (or, if you’ll allow, their “porches”) that you can access via a channel on your TV. I guess it’s meant to be so you can see who is trying to buzz you BUT you can also just sit in your living room all day watching all those unpaid extras come and go. Like if you are unsure what to do with your life and there’s nothing on regular TV. It’s good if you have new neighbors moving in and you want to get the cut of their jib and see what they own. Later on it’s good to determine when they’re out so you can rob them, but that’s not really actionable intel as it inevitably leads to thoughts of you in a little bandit mask lying prone far below their balcony, a pillowcase spilling silverware nearby. Best to just make a sandwich and flip over to Judge Judy.

He claims the microwave was a gift and won’t return it. Judy angrily wonders why someone would buy anyone a microwave for a gift. No one really has an answer for that.

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