MD: Hi, Ratty? It’s me. Mike Douglas.
R: Mike Douglas!?
R: Wow, okay. I thought you were dead.
MD: Sorry, Michael Douglas. Of the Douglas acting clan. Not the host of “The Mike Douglas Show”.
R: Oh God! I’m sorry!
R: No really they said I was going to talk to a celebrity and I just…
MD: No worries, happens all the time.
R: Sorry, I can barely hear you.
MD: Oh! I’m using a very old cell phone. One used in the movie “Wall Street” by my character Gordon Gecko. Also, I’m on a beach.
R: Wow… why are you… doing that?
R: WHY ARE YOU DOING THAT?
MD: Can I call you back? I’m going to switch phones.
[5 minutes later]
R: Yeah, that’s much better.
MD: So, what’s on your mind?
R: Well… umm… I guess I was just trying to figure out what to eat for dinner!
R: Sorry! I realize that’s pretty mundane!
MD: Let me tell you, Cath and I are always trying to figure out what to eat for dinner! It’s a real problem!
MD: So where are you located? New York City?
R: No, I’m in Toronto.
MD: Sorry, pal I don’t know that much about the restaurant scene there.
R: What about eating at home? Like what would you make for dinner?
MD: Well, are you familiar with the cartoon cat Garfield?
R: Am I!
MD: Orange with black stripes?
R: No, I meant yes. Yes I am very familiar.
MD: What’s his favorite f–
MD: That’s right! That’s what I’d have for dinner.
R: That’s great Michael.
R: Mike! Wow. Do you have anything else in common with Garfield?
MD: I can tell you one thing: we both don’t do Mondays!
[One minute of both men laughing]
R: Oh man! Garfield’s catchphrase!
R: Well I don’t want to take up too much more of your time. Is there anything else you want to talk about or promote?
MD: Oh um, my new picture Ant-Man is out so be sure to check that out.
R: Nice! Pant-Man. Is that a Lev–
MD: Ant not pant.
R: Levi Strauss biopic?
MD: A-N-T. The insect.
R: Would you star in a Levi Strauss biopic?
MD: Do you have a script for me to read?
R: I could write one.
R: Seriously I could. I’ll start it tonight.
MD: That’s okay bud. Listen it’s been great chatting with you.
R: Bye Mike!