What do you think, Ratty?

My dearest Ratty,

As you know, recently I have been…distracted by a certain singer, who I will call Andy Gibb, oh what the hell, he IS Andy Gibb. I have not only been immersed in his music but also the years he reigned: the late 70s and the years in which he didn’t: the mid-80s. I wish I could go back in time and pay more attention to  him. I confess, aside from Shadow Dancing, I didn’t follow him too much in those days; it was John Travolta all the way for me.

So my question for you Ratty is this, if you could time travel to a time in your past, which year would you choose and why.

Your best underground friend,


Dearest Moley,

Great question. After much thought I have settled on August 3, 2006 which in a sort of roundabout way started with this:


The first thing I thought of after reading your question was the TV shows I used to watch to see if I could mine those for years I’d like to revisit. Despite it not being close to my fave, “Airwolf” popped in to my head and then Ernest Borgnine.

I think his performance here was a bit of a watershed moment for me as I was shocked he managed to find work on screen with those eyebrows (having, at the time, no clue that he’d been working for awhile). That was something I maybe would have thought previously impossible. I don’t have that kind of brow but I did feel strongly that I had jug ears and an asymmetrical face so it was nice to know that things like that could be overlooked. Also he has a wonderful smile. I thought quite a bit about the power of a wonderful smile.

From there I thought about celebrities I liked a little too late, ones I could appreciate more if they were alive. Of course numero uno was River Phoenix. I liked him to an embarrassing degree. I read a paperback biography about him that said he used to carry around Henry Miller’s “The Time of the Assassins” so I bought it and read it and thought about doing that. I mean I actually really thought about carrying it around which is not something anyone should do. I even wrote a nauseating eulogy on a fansite that I tried to find on the Wayback Machine just now. I thought I’d go back and slap the hands of the me that wrote it but I couldn’t find it. What I did find on the Wayback Machine was my old blog.


Oh boy. You know what? The type of person I was over the six (!!!) cringeworthy years I wrote that blog surprised me. I was just flexing all over the place. It’s weird how puffed up I was in my writing knowing how unpuffed I was outside of that. Of course, like regular flexing, it was mostly ridiculous but what really caught my eye was this quote I used to start off my farewell post on August 3, 2006. At the time I decided I couldn’t handle a blog and writing screenplays (I really thought I couldn’t “handle” it — Christ). Here’s the quote:

“Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self”
– Cyril Connolly

At the time I thought that this was what I was legitimately doing and it ended up being exactly what I DIDN’T do. Of course I did for a little while but it’s hard not to write for the public when you’re trying to sell something you’ve written.

So the question was what year would I go back to and I guess what I would do is go back to August 3, 2006 and tell myself that I should fill my plate until I ACTUALLY couldn’t handle it. To stop with the either/or’s and to never stop writing for myself.


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