What do you think, Mole?

Recently I’ve been thinking a lot about the Pizzly Bear. The name mostly. The Pizzly is a Polar Bear / Grizzly Bear hybrid. Sometimes it’s called the Grolar Bear but I much prefer the Pizzly Bear. There are other hybrids of course. Wholpins, Beefalo, Camas, Jagupards, Coywolves, Zonkeys, etc;. I know how much you enjoy naming things so I would like you to consider the ultimate animal hybrid. I’m not super concerned about whether it could actually exist, I’m looking for the best possible portmanteau. The Brangelina of the natural world. What do you think it would be?


Dearest Ratty,

This question could very well be my kryptonite. Gawd how I love naming things and coming up with my own acronyms. My dream job is definitely “phrase maker”. So this, this question is like Christmas and my birthday rolled into one, Christday if you will, or birthmas.

So now, let’s get to the matter at hand, the task at hand as it were. As t’were. This is indeed difficult, how can I possibly decide on just one? There are hybrids I like just for the sound –take Couman  for example — you think it’s that spice used in curry, but no, it’s a Cougar/Human hybrid. But then I start thinking, what would it look like? And in my mind I can only conjure up a bad Hallowe’en costume and so my enthusiasm for Couman drops a few notches.

While I’m batting these new fangled words about in my head, I notice that my cat is peacefully sleeping beside me.  I take this as an opportunity to size him up. What qualities would I most like him to have? With his pointy face and charcoal coloured fur, he already looks like kind of a gargoyle. I wonder what he’d look like flying about with wings. Could he be a “bacat”? I decide that it’s a titch creepy, so no.

I love my cat unconditionally, but it is a drag that we cannot take our love outside this apartment. I’ve dreamed about taking vacations together where we jog on the beach and then go swimming, but guess who doesn’t like water?  But oh, what if he did?! What if he took to the water like, well, an otter. “Catotter?”  Hmmm. Not bad. Let’s say he goes missing and comes back in like nothing happened and I’d look at him and say, “hey, welcome back Catotter.”

I kinda like the sound of that.



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