What do you think, Ratty?

Dearest Ratty,

The other day I was having an email chat with one of my dearest friends. We covered a lot of topics in five minutes of furious typing: we always do. We spoke of many things, birthdays, growing older, baseball and politics. “At last Stephen Harper is no longer our prime minister,” he wrote. Yes. YES. Indeed. Dude with the helmet hair is gone.  I voted, I was happy that he was gone, but I was still at a loss for words.   I am embarrassed by what I wrote next. Even though I didn’t so much write something as select something. I selected the thumb up icon, to which my dearest friend replied, “that thumb up is always such a slap across the face”

YES.

YES IT IS.

WHAT could I possibly have been thinking?

While my reaction to the ousting of S. Harper was lukewarm at best, my reaction to emoticons and acronyms was and will always be blistering. LOL and LMAO make me recoil. They, especially the former, kick my gag reflex into overdrive. I was once vaguely attracted to a man in his fifties. I made plenty of exceptions for him. His middle-aged man uniform: (golf shirt tucked into pleated pants), his taste in music and his prosaic water cooler talk. However when he sent me an email and ended it with LOL, I knew that there could never be anything between us.

Strangely I don’t mind semi-colons winking at me and I have even found a sticker of a sassy cartoon figure that I employ from time to time,  but I stand with my friend and declare the thumb up to be an insult.
I’ll never write LOL either unless I need to take a break after I start writing lollipop, I will, however, and often do, make up my own acronyms.  Nobody knows what I’m talking about, but why should I let that stop me? Maybe I’m just spitballin’ call letters, WTFK? It’s my revenge on the LOL-LMAO-YOLO-FTW generation.

So my question for you Rats is this: What emoticons or acronyms stick in your craw (SIC)?

Yeah tell me, what acronyms SIC you?

Yours,

Mole

Mole,

There are so many! I guess the ones that bother me the most are the ones no one says out loud. Why do we have an acronym for something no one actually says?! Take IMHO. Many many more people *write* IMHO than say “In my humble opinion”. I don’t want that. A humble opinion? That’s disappointing.  My head is brimming with humble opinions! Give me your overbearing one. Give me direction! JDT. Just do this. That’s what I want. Nobody says that either but they should.

TTFN! I’ve been fortunate enough to never meet someone who’s ended a spoken word conversation with “Ta-ta for now”. For now? Try forever. Ugh. I know all of these things are meant to be cute or precious or what have you but it’s like when Ralphie gets the Little Orphan Annie decoder ring in “A Christmas Story” and finds out the message is “Be sure to drink your Ovaltine”. Stop making me unpack this shit. The pay off is never worth it. That’s it I think. What I resent most is when these spring up and I don’t know them. When someone’s attempt at brevity becomes more time consuming for me IRL? TSNF!

I guess what I’m saying is cool it with the acronyms. Honestly, JDT.

 

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