Before we were famous: the archives

Before Ratty met Mole, he wrote. Mole recently discovered Ratty’s writings and strong armed Ratty into sharing them.

Mole: Where did the inspiration for this piece come from?

Ratty: I’ve always been really fascinated by the motivation of the villain. Skeletor just wants everything to be shitty and dark. I don’t get it. The villains are so one dimensional, I just want to know what they do in their downtime. I want to know about Skeletor’s inner life, then I can understand why he’s being such a dick.

Friday, November 30, 2001
01:39 p.m.
Skeletor’s Diary
Dear Diary,

I hate it here. I mean I really hate it here. “Castle Greyskull”? God, that’s so depressing. I’m just so lonely. And the weather…I mean…It’s always cloudy! What gives? So I had a date tonight. I thought it was going pretty good. I made a really nice stir fry and we had some wine and everything. As soon as we begin eating she starts talking about her ex. So all through dinner I get to hear about this Dave guy and how great he is. So not over him. I just know this is going to be a bust but I’m so desperate I keep trying. After dinner we watched ‘Notting Hill’. As soon as the movie’s over she starts in on how great Hugh Grant is! Hugh Grant? Hello?! What about me? I was going to say, “What does he have that I haven’t got?”…but really…who am I kidding. Anyway, so then she is about to leave and we get to that point where there might be a goodnight kiss and I just freeze up. I get all nervous. We ended up shaking hands! Not even a hug…a handshake! Honestly, I’m so self conscious. My therapist told me it all stems from my hangups about having no face. God, it’s SO true. How can I expect anyone to want to kiss a gross skeleton face? Oh, and then there’s my stupid nervous laugh. I was doing it all night. It comes across all crazy and evil like “EeeeHeHaHaHa”. I’m sure it scared her. I spent the rest of the night crying into a quart of frozen yogurt. Now I feel lonely AND fat.

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