Each week Ratty will ask Mole, an admitted football neophyte, to tell you who to put your money on based entirely on: team colors, team locations, who would win in a battle between the team names (i.e. could a Dolphin beat a Bear?) AND a bonus intangible. This week it’s the Buffalo Bills vs. Baltimore Ravens.
Blue & White (BUF) vs. Purple & Black (BAL): Well I do like that blue & white Spode willow pattern. I love it actually. When I went to England years ago, I bought two sets of Spode teacups. After I bought them, I ran out of money, completely. That’s not the greatest memory, but, on the other hand, I did enjoy drinking coffee out of them. I loved the look of pitch black coffee shimmering in that fresh and pretty pattern. Then my ex-husband broke a set , but it was an accident, so I just have one set. Now, I prefer quantity to how something looks, so I’ve traded in a cup and saucer for a giant mug. In the mornings I down a mug of coffee, while I watch the cat eat his meat breakfast from a Spode saucer. Purple and Black it is!
Bill vs. Raven: I hate Raven Symone, even when she was younger, she was just insufferable. And she makes me think of The View. Can you believe that show is STILL on the air? Talk about five characters who should be in search of an exit. So, I’m definitely going with Bill. Plus, Bill is a great name: very authoritarian, very adult. If I met a two year old named Bill, I would defer to him immediately. I vote for Bill!
Buffalo vs. Baltimore: Well I’ve never been to Baltimore, but I have been to Buffalo, and let me tell you, that airport is THE WORST. So, I pick Baltimore, even though I didn’t want to choose it, as hipster revenge. You know how ALL the hipsters love The Wire which is set in and around Baltimore? Well I wanted to NOT choose Baltimore just to be a hipster contrarian, but NOPE can’t do it. That’s how much I hate the Buffalo Airport. Baltimore wins again!
The Buffalo Bills were named after famous frontiersman Buffalo Bill Cody. BBC became famous touring with his popular Buffalo Bill’s Wild West show featuring all types of rodeo stuff.
Question: Who, from the current Bills roster, do you think will go on to perform a travelling show? What would the show be about? What would the show be called?
I love all their names, but Cardale Jones and Tyrod Taylor are the best. Those names are just begging to be nicknames, am I right? Cardale the whale (or the snail, depending on what kinda day he’s having) and Tie-one-on Taylor. As for a travelling road show, old Thyroid Taylor and C major scale Jones will team up with Marina Abramowic for “CMT’s concussion experience”. Scarsdale diet Jones and Tripod and Dennis Marina will sit calmly in front of their caravan while local townsfolk will be invited to drop kick footballs at their heads.
WINNER: Baltimore Ravens