What do you think, Mole?

One of the questions that people love to ask is: what would you do if you won the lottery? Where would you go? What would you buy? Whose nose would you rub it in and how? But there’s actually a lot that scares me about winning the lottery. Not so much, “What am I going to do with all this money?!” but moreso, “What kind of face should I make in the picture they are going to take of me to put in the paper?!”. You know the picture I mean. The last thing I want is my picture in the paper. I *definitely* don’t want a picture advertising my sudden and unearned wealth. Do I look happy? I don’t give a thumbs up because who I am giving a thumbs up too? Or do I?

Moley, please take a picture of yourself showing us the closest possible approximation of how you’d think you’d look in your winning lottery pic?



Dearest Ratty,

I am extremely vain. I don’t know if you knew this about me but I am. So, you wouldn’t be seeing an unrehearsed look. As soon as I found out I won, I would practice a poker face.


Once someone has taken a picture of you dancing with abandon at a wedding and then showed you what you look like when you’re  interpretive dancing to Little Red Corvette,  you will never let a candid photo happen to you again. So when I win my millions, there will be no popping of the eyes, no shiny forehead, no trifecta of chins, nope, none of that. What you’ll see is exactly what you’ll see if you search a stock photo site for “demurely happy woman”. A far off look in the eyes, hand thoughtfully placed on the chin and a faint smile, something that says “I knew that reading The Secret would lead to this moment, thank you Oprah.”

stock-photo-portrait-of-a-beautiful-african-american-woman-sitting-at-home-thinking-282891956 stock-photo-portrait-of-dark-haired-pensive-beautiful-young-woman-in-red-blouse-against-green-of-summer-park-120588886 stock-photo-woman-relaxing-and-enjoying-the-sun-in-a-warmth-park-at-sunset-296425169

I’ve been practicing this look for a while now, I think I’ve gotten pretty good at it. It’s my second favourite pose.

My absolute favourite pose is me lying on the sofa with or without the cat. I call this look my “What do I look like when I’m watching Netflix look” or “Nettyflixin”

Photo on 2015-06-06 at 5.42 PM #2.jpg




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