Each week Every now and then Ratty will ask Mole, an admitted football neophyte, to tell you who to put your money on based entirely on: team colors, team locations, who would win in a battle between the team names (i.e. could a Dolphin beat a Bear?) AND a bonus intangible.
This week it’s the SUPERBOWL featuring the New England Patriots vs. Atlanta Falcons.
Navy Blue & White (NE) vs. Red & Black (ATL):
Ummm, check out Iris. No fucking contest.
Winner: RED and BLACK (Atlanta Falcons)
Patriot vs. Falcon:
Hmmm, let’s see…this angry dude with a bad case of hat head —
THIS AMAZING SUPERHERO!!!
Ummm, no fucking contest.
Winner: ATLANTA FALCONS
New England vs. Atlanta:
Well this is a tough because as you know very well I love me some New England, specifically I love me some Concord, New Hampshire. I will look up some famous people from each and make my decision accordingly. New England: Elizabeth Warren, Donna Summer and Ralph Waldo Emerson. That is an impressive top three! Now let’s pick three from Atlanta. Ummmm, stopped at one. No fucking contest: Martin Luther King, Jr.
Earlier this year we rapped about Tom Brady being a spokesmodel for Uggs but did you know that he was also a spokesmodel for Trump? He seemingly doesn’t want to stump for Trump anymore but I am curious: if they do win the Superbowl and he decides he wants to retire on top what cabinet position (and you can just make up one, God knows that’s coming) would you give to Deplorable Tom?:
Could I make him Secretary of Balls? It would be a very flexible position. He would preside over fancy dress balls, costume balls, cannonballs (the dive and artillery), rum balls, crystal balls, blue balls, where-the-fuck-are-your-balls?! balls, hair balls and, of course, properly inflated footballs.
WINNER: ATLANTA FALCONS