What do you think, Mole?

Mole,

Planes are the worst! They are terrible for the environment, loud AND they have no leg room! There’s very little to cheer about when it comes to planes so I was happy to read that several airlines allow you to take your falcon on the plane with you! Like right in the cabiny bit!

Falcons on Airplanes

FALCONS!

Mole, what are the three animals you’d LEAST like to sit beside on a plane and why?

Yrs,

Ratty

Dearest Ratty,

I think you are looking for an answer about animals covered in fur or feathers or perhaps animals of the four legged variety, but let me choose the two legged kind for you and break it down into the three types of humans I would least like to sit beside on a plane.

  1. The person who makes you feel like a fucking bag lady.
    First you make it through the aisles, repeating “excuse me” every two seconds and then you squeeze into your tiny window seat. Then you look around to figure out what to do with your stuff. True, you do get a pocket on the back of the seat in front of you, but how can you store anything in it? It’s teeming with magazines, safety instructions and air sickness bags. You try to put your wallet in there and a novel but they barely fit. The overhead compartment isn’t an option because if it isn’t full it usually requires someone to assist you. Some of you stuff fits under your chair, some of it on your lap and some you have to tuck in all around your seat. And then along comes that person who sits in the seat beside you wearing a crisp linen suit carrying a slim attache case, leaving you to feel like the fucking bag lady you are with crumbs in every crease of clothing you’re wearing. God forbid you should need to go to the bathroom and rearrange all your stuff.
  2. The person who doesn’t want to engage in conversation.
    You don’t travel a lot. Sure you may talk about travel and vacations, but you don’t really mean it. Eat Pray Love is not your inspiration; Midnight Express is.  So when you get on the plane and actually go somewhere, it is a BIG FUCKING DEAL. You  look out the window and see the earth all divided up like it’s a patchwork quilt; you want to elbow the person sitting next to you and talk about it. You also want to know where they’re going and will definitely need an extra pen to fill out the customs form too. You know they’re not sleeping. Take off that eye mask and talk!
  3. The person who doesn’t want to share the food I’ve brought from home.
    Travelling by plane isn’t the luxury it once was. Now you pay extra for luggage, print off your own boarding pass and have to pay for your own food.  If the flight is long enough you might get a  complimentary meal such as a tiny bag of Frito Lays and a corn beef bunwich. If the flight isn’t long enough, you get nada. This is why  you  like to bring your own snacks. Tuna salad, egg salad, sardines — that kinda thing.  You don’t like to sit beside someone and be the only one eating, so when you open up your gym bag and offer a sandwich, your fellow passenger needn’t act like he or she is better than you. They don’t need to pretend they’ve eaten already.  Just take a sandwich for crissakes and lemme have a few sips of your Mott’s Apple Juice to wash it down.

And there you have it Rats.

Yours,

Mole

 

 

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