The AlpHATEbet: G

In which Ratty draws something he hates for each letter of the alphabet and Moley takes a picture of what she hates. This week, the letter G…

Ratty: You know that scene in that Star Wars movie where they are in the trash compactor and it’s really tense cause the walls are closing in on them? If that was me I would have died INSTANTLY upon hitting the waist high GARBAGE WATER. Is there anything worse than the stuff that sometimes drips out of your garbage bag? I live in an apartment so sometimes (read: EVERY TIME) I go to the garbage chute someone has just left their bag sitting in the chute and I have to push it in before I can put mine in. Nine times out of ten that bag will secrete garbage water onto my hand and I will just about scream because the only thing worse than garbage water is someone else’s garbage water. I hate other people’s garbage water so much I have started to walk my garbage down to the garbage room. That probably doesn’t sound all that amazing but if you knew how lazy I am you would be genuinely floored by that revelation. THAT is how much I hate garbage water.

Moley: I used to love reading gossip magazines. They used to be the best part of going to get my hair did or standing in a long line at the grocery store. But that was BEFORE. When I knew who the people were and cared about who’s most intriguing, who’s most hated, who shed 200 pounds doing pilates, who shaved their head and attacked a car with an umbrella — you know all that great Hollywood gossip stuff.  Now when I look at a gossip magazine I don’t know who most of the people are, so why should I care about their fucking triumphs and tragedies? WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ALL THE STARS?! Let me put it to you this way: Passing out naked after a cocaine binge wrapped only in a mink makes you star; having an army of children whose names begin with the same letter does not.  And if you do see a magazine with stars from Dynasty on the cover. Buyer Beware: It’s a seniors magazine.


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